#2 the one where I ask lots of questions
Questions, questions, questions. What is right? What is wrong? When is it appropriate to ask? Is it a silly question? Who can I ask?
Just ask if you don’t know. Curiosity killed the cat. There is no harm in asking. Don’t be a nosey parker. If you don’t ask you won’t get. It is rude to ask. Stay curious!
There is so much confusion around asking questions.
I like questions. For the most part I like people asking questions. I am a really open person. An oversharer you ask? Possibly, but there are worse things someone could be and I honestly believe that in sharing we often find that we are not alone.
On the flip side of that, and truth be told, I am nosey, or is it more comfortable to say curious or interested? I am super interested in people. People fascinate me. I am curious about so many things. I’m curious about words and language. I’m curious about psychology and neuroscience. I’m curious about feelings and emotions. My early working life was all about questions, which was great. Mostly answering them. I worked as a Press Officer for The Royal British Legion and I also worked on their helpline. Answering questions was my bread and butter. Either helping people to find the answers that they were looking for or in my writing answering those basic questions: who, what, when, why and trying to get journalists interested in what I had to say.
As a parent and especially as an adoptive parent I am very much in the business of answering questions. Some are daily and very basic: what’s for snack? lunch? tea? can I have screen time? can you tell X not to do Y? Others are hilarious: do you snog Daddy every night? (followed by ‘GROSS’), why are you soooo embarrassing? (By the way I think that all parents should wear that as a badge of honour.). Yet others are more complex: if you hadn’t had a miscarriage would you still have adopted us? Then there are those that are universally annoying: are we nearly there yet?
The no holds barred approach that children take to questions should be encouraged and it should inspire us as adults to retain that childlike curiosity about the world and moreover about ourselves. With the rise of popularity of journalling and a much more healthy approach to the idea of therapy I think that people are generally getting better at turning inwards to ask questions of themselves. This can be hugely tricky. It can get very uncomfortable, but that is where the real work happens. I consider myself to be very emotionally literate. I recognise that I am prone to intellectualise as a means of protecting myself emotionally but being aware of it is a good first step into allowing myself to connect and really feel all of those ‘feels’ even if it is uncomfortable. I am a massive advocate for therapy and I have benefited so much in exploring my experiences and emotions in individual therapy, group therapy, a nourishing and supportive membership group, in the most beautiful open and supportive circle of Goddess women, with my daughter in Threaplay and life story work sessions, with my son in fabulous occupational therapy sessions that worked on physical ways to help self-regulation as well as naming, understanding and expressing emotions safely and most recently with a one to one mentor.
Last week my mentor asked me a question and it was one that stumped me for a while. It made me get curious about myself in a totally new way. She asked me why I create the artwork that I create. What was the message behind the pictures? I had no immediate answer. I really needed time to reflect on it. It was something that I had never asked myself before. I felt a bit baffled and stuck, I did want to know the answer too, but this was new territory for me. As comfortable as I have become getting uncomfortable and exploring my life experiences, some incredibly painful, with therapists this was a new kind of discomfort. Why do you do art of naked ladies? This is what my son had asked in a totally ‘ewwwwww’ kind of way a number of times. I’m sorry to say I didn’t pay much attention to the question then.
I think that there are a number of things behind the art that I create. Some of it is perhaps more obvious, with the little positive or mood provoking words I incorporate into some of my more illustrative pieces. I want my art to spread joy, colour, positivity and reflection. In terms of the thick paint layers it gets a bit deeper. I love layers of colour not only for the beauty and joy of the colours themselves but for the unexpected layers and patterns that reveal themselves as I manipulate the paint. The layers can look both simple and complex, much like people. We all have hidden depths and textures. I love that both in terms of paint and people. The textiles I often use add a further sense of movement and texture.
The second thing is the idea of femininity and strength. I was a girly girl, I always had long hair, I like things neat and tidy, I have a soft, high pitched voice, I love clothes, make up and lots of pink. All of these things speak to a very traditional and expected form of femininity. I was often underestimated. I remember a particular remark from a friend when I was going to do my Duke of Edinburgh Gold expedition that I’d be half way up a mountain with my curling tongs (don’t judge me it was the 90’s and I had an immaculately curled under fringe). That idea that someone who is feminine cannot survive or be successful without the trappings and tools of outward and expected femininity. Needless to say I gained my Gold Award without needing my curling iron. I did have a semi Timotei moment though. Totally showing my age with that reference so if it is lost on you then think Herbal Essences. No skinny dipping was involved and no sheep in the mountains of Wales or my fellow campers were offended. I just dunked my hair and face into a stream as a wet wipe wash just doesn’t make me feel alive enough after a days hiking and and pitching a tent and cooking a meal in the pouring rain the night before!
For so long we have been conditioned to equate femininity with weakness. My art seeks to portray the strength and majesty in the feminine, especially the feminine body that has for too long been an object of sexual desire and subject to unrealistic ideals. Women have untold depths of strength. The female is divine and powerful and we need to continue to work to reclaim that. Body positivity is also a strong component to my work. I want my son and daughter to grow up seeing the physical and internal beauty and strength in themselves and in other people and not some misconceived ideal that is foisted on them. I certainly do not want them to feel underestimated and that they have something to prove.
All in all I want my art to make people feel something and maybe, just maybe ask themselves why?
So that is that for this week. What is the final message from me to you? It is to absolutely and wholeheartedly stay curious!
Louise x